Obituary

Today I learnt of the sad demise of two stalwart British newspapers. On Friday both the Daily Sport and the Sunday Sport ceased publication. The main reason for their downturn in sales was quoted as competition from the Internet. It kind of sums up the quality of those two papers that it was not "free news websites" that did for them, but "free porn websites". However I can remember buying the first ever issue of the paper all those years back (a quarter of a century ago), so, in memory of Sport Newspapers here is an obituary in the style of their own reporting, containing all the facts as they would have seen them (and for those who have never read the paper, yes this is the sort of story you got in those newspapers, usually illustrated with a photo of a topless woman).

NO NEWS IS NOT GOOD NEWS

Adolph Hitler was found alive and well today, living on the North Pole with a teenage nymphomaniac Eskimo. For the past twenty five years he had been producing two national newspapers (the Daily Sport and the Sunday Sport) from his secret base, using a hidden printing works on the moon. He used the profits from his publishing empire to fund a hedonistic lifestyle sailing around the Caribbean in his luxury yacht with a crew of naked teenage girls with whom he performed sexual acts too disgusting and perverse to describe here.

This all came to an abrupt end when aliens abducted Adolph Hitler and used a bazaar alien death ray to turn his teenage nymphomaniac Eskimo girlfriend into a chocolate muffin. Hitler was then taken up into the spaceship where he was probed anally before being forced by the aliens to perform sexual acts too disgusting and perverse to describe here.

Sport Newspapers LTD was left in ruins. No issues of the Daily Sport or the Sunday Sport have been published since Adolf Hitler's abduction by sex mad aliens. His employees at his printing works remain stranded on the moon where they have nothing to do but indulge in a non stop orgy of perverted sex where they spend all day performing sexual acts too disgusting and perverse to describe here.

Hitler has now released a DVD showing all the intimate and disgusting sexual activities he gets up to with the aliens. It is a two hour DVD of the most extreme sex you have ever seen. This DVD is so obscene that it should be be banned everywhere and all copies destroyed. To see for yourself how disgusting and perverse this DVD is, send £19.99 (plus £2.99 postage and packing) for your copy, to Sport Newspapers LTD at our usual address.

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In Remembrance of these fine newspapers I have put together a tribute DVD, and I am giving away FREE copies to everyone. In the spirit of so many similar Daily Sport and Sunday Sport offers, you can get your copy of this FREE DVD absolutely FREE, just send me your name and address and a cheque for £24.99 to cover postage and packing, and I'll send you a copy totally FREE.

The DVD contains a moving tribute to both newspapers, read our by a selection of topless teenage nymphomaniac girls, and also contains UNCENSORED footage of the lesbian orgy that followed the filming of the tributes, where the girls all perform sexual acts too disgusting and perverse to describe here.